I have always walked outside the lines, the boundaries, as if my out-of-the-conventional-box thought process influences the way I walk, like a metaphor. I feel my humanity, I feel I am a apart of the group, and I enjoy being one with my fellow inhabitants of this earth.
But I also feel I am an individual, and in striving to be/do the best that I can do, spiritually and physically, I am apart. We all should be searching as the Buddha taught us to seek our own path toward betterment, growth and, ultimately, enlightenment. I too often fail to see this around me and it frustrates the hell out of me. Where are my brothers and sisters?
This may be why that I have never got on with authority, from my parents on up to my friends, mentors and teachers, and even those that have helped me learn, grow and be. I revere my family, friends and teachers, without whom I would not be here today. I love them.
Still, at the slightest imposition on my will the spirit within me lights on high, like bug-spray on a campfire. I try to change, sometimes succeeding, but too often authority appears meaningless and restrictive, demeaning and demoniac.
So, with my bleeding heart I do fight with every fiber of my being for all that I believe in. Unfortunately, I often step on the opinions of those around me, but the majority of the time this is not on purpose. My mind is not closed, but stubborn, and there are times where a valued perspective may feel imposing or wrong to me, and I invoke the rage I set loose upon authority. To my loved ones, who I am sure have been stricken by my words, please realize that I was more often unaware of my hurtful actions; I was blinded by the same drive that makes me a fan of more that goes on in this world than I could ever wrap my head around.
I want to spend eternity increasing my mind, body and soul of such, and I cannot. I am a frustrated man. I am truly sorry for when I have been myself, Rob, an ass, and all of the other innumerable things that I have been or at least thought to call myself.